I'm lying in bed. It's 7.15am. I realise this sounds suspiciously like Victoriana, but last night the fever broke. Hazaah! I was up every 30 mins necking water with lots of shaking, drenching sheets with sweat (and NIAGW) and generally feeling rank...But now have woken up feeling Bladerunnery: aka more human than human. Or, to speak English: chipper.
My bungalow has a spectacular view over a thick jungle-filled valley. When I decided to come here, I bowed to my obsession with reading every single website on this place. Many previous visitors had said that the spa is great, as long as you don't get room 43,44 or 46. The reason being that my room - 44 - sits up a slope. When I say slope I mean that in an Everest way. How the hell I am ever going to get home when I stop eating, I have no idea. It's about 10 mins ofthat crazy kind up uphill which gives you vertigo, in skiing terms it's a hard red, followed by a flight of extremely tall steps. If nothing else, I'm coming home with calf muscles extraordinaire.
One stroke of luck occurred yesterday: hot guy I spotted in Heathow turned into hot-guy in Bangkok, hot-guy on flight to Koh Samui, and yes - same hot-guy that came and asked me if I was off to the mountain-side spa resort as I sat waiting for the transfer bus.. Shibby! Please God I hope he never reads this, but hot-guy opened his mouth and instantly had the air of metrosexual campness, so as soon as we started chatting, the 'hot' element vanished, so hence-forth he will be known as (Very Decorative) Andrew. That being his name. He is my first partner-in-hunger-strike. I'm not starting til tomorrow, but he's been here before so is deep-ending today. So: day one....
The Liver Flush. Today, before I stop eating tomorrow, I have to do a 'pre-cleanse'. That means raw fruit and veg only, and twice daily 'liver-flush drink'. This tasty-sounding concoction features garlic, olive oil, cayenne pepper, orange juice. Mmmm. Tasty. Raw garlic at breakfast - they know my weaknesses. I was lying in bed last night, reading the FAQ, and it was hilarious - someone had written 'can I drink coffee, alcohol and smoke while on the cleanse?', and the response roughly translates as 'Mwuah-ha-haaa, NO, MORTAL!'. Ok, so literally it was: you should drink nothing but water, and the drinks you mention above are contributing to your many ailments. This cleanse is a process of detoxification, and the body cannot effectively detoxify if you are continuing to take in toxins such as these, you weak, pestilent fool. Ok - the last bit I ad-libbed. Then it bangs on about smoking, and for the final insult they suggest an ultimate cheat for those that are SO weak: "You may substitute some herbal tea (NOT BLACK TEA) once or twice a day". Who'd have thought that drinking herbal tea could be soooo naughty?
I will be noting all entertaining Engrish here. I've spotted a lot of incongruous signs already, but none that have been sufficiently funny.
It's raining outside. I can hear the giant drops landing on my wooden roof, and the air has that lazy, thick, fluid quality to it. I have the power to shut the windows and crank the aircon, but right now, post-London-life, I'm quite enjoying it. Remind me of THAT when I go A over T on the slippery descent to the restaurant to get my liver-flush-torture-drink thing.
Not much else to mention. All technology arrived in one piece, so back-to-nature, hippie-jungle-girl has 60 odd ripped movies, iPod speakers with 60Gb of music and audiobooks on iPod, a laptop, lots of cables, 5-way plug and a 250Gb external drive, Blackberry and tons of camera stuff. Oops.
Later potaters. Argh! No potato for 8 days, I'm going to diiiiiiiiiiie!
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