And so it begins.

Hello. I wasn't going to blog this trip, but the low-level hecking from I&Y, The Wick, Major and Marmie means it's probably easier than writing 5 emails to you, updating you on this round of fun, fun, fun.

Back on Koh Samui, back doing hunger strike. Sorry, I mean fasting. Today is Day One of Seven, and it's a very different first day this time round. I think it's because I know what's coming, so there's less mystique and time spent wondering what it's like. I'm already cheesed off with just how much liquid I have to get down my gregory (you wouldn't hear me saying THAT in First Edition), however the sheer agony of Thai massage took me by surprise again. And they say muscles have memory! Actually...saying that...most peoples muscles probably do, but since I have limited memory generally.... damn. DAMN MY BAD MEMORY.

So. Today is Sunday. I landed at crack-of yesterday morning, and spent a most chilled out day walking on the super-soft white sand beach, eating unbelievably good food, and having 10 shades of torture inflicted on me in the massage sala. Yet again it's the innocuous ones who inflict the most pain - saying that, this lady wasn't small by any means, and when she rested her entire body weight onto my back with her elbows I swear I heard a rib crack. My last meal was a faaaannntastic brown ri(c)e salad, with cheese and cashews and loads of nice salady veg like spring onions, red pepper, tomato etc, with a great little garlic and lemony dressing. *sob*.

Woke up today for McSlurry number one, which was supposed to be at 7am, but I had slight velcro-pillow syndrome, so day started at 7.30. ish. I have since necked 5 of the bloody vile things - I've gone exra hard-core this time, so no pineapple or watermelon juice to soften the blow - it tastes like drinking a pint of cotton wool flavoured with sand.  And I use the term 'flavour' veeeery loosely. I have also consumed the water from 2 coconuts, about 200 00000 glasses of water, mystery herbal tablets (alleging to be kelp or algae or some-such) and.... wait for it "green drink". I am served one of these 'green drinks' a day. See now I wish that I had left the term 'green drink' in inverted commas, too, however after tasting it (OMG - viiile) I had a look at the menu to discovered what the hell it was. Ahem: Green leafy vegetables, juiced with garlic and coconut oil. Oh yesss. Delightful. And it was room temperature. Slightly worried that on the first day my mind already trod the path of Heyyyy, this would be awesome if it was chilled as a gazpacho with some sour cream, loads of pepper and some good olive oil.

I will aim to make this less 'meh' and more lighthearted as I get to know some people - only met one Ozzie girl (who left today, thank gingus (as William would say), because she pranced around in yoga-lycra, had no volume control, called everyone 'chook' and labelled everything "amaaaaaaaaaaazing" - aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh)... and a couple who seem really nice. Also Australian, but not annoying-as-hell. They are easing themselves in slowly by spending 3 days eating raw food and juices, which is what you're supposed to do. What you're NOT supposed to do is drink loooooads on the plane,  have a 4 course meal, with port, and then land and start fasting. That would be ludicrous. (note: the Swiss sparkling wine at Zurich airport is much nicer than you'd expect).

On that note, and having done a small, and ladylike green-drink-burp in the sanctity of my own room, I am going to sign out. Green drink definitely contained celery and possibly also green peppers. Ming. Ing.

Headache so bad I feel like slamming my hand in a door to take my mind off it. Deep joy. Probably should have quit the daily double macchiatos BEFORE coming here. I blame Carpet Byrne....

Over and outski.

x