What a soireeee

1.20am, and back from night'o'muay thai!  What a most fantastico spectator sport. Took about a million photos, so will get posting in the morning. 8 fights were thai-on-thai, and the 9th was a thai guy v a Swede (and no, he was not kicking 7 shades of s--t out of a much maligned root vegetable).

Had v v v nice salad for dinner. Feel on top'o'world. Body no longer sulking. Shibby!

Oh and Charlie: thaaaaaanks for the amaretto cheesecake comments...cow! (email me recipe forthwith).

Day Six...Black Day...

I am cheesed off. If I may add 'to the max'. Maximally cheesed.

I woke up at 7 feeling dire. Nausea, cramps, dizzy...cold and sweaty and minging. Tried to get myself together to make the climb to the McSlurry counter and fainted. 3 hours later situation had not improved, and had passed out again on way to bathroom, so made the call that enough is enough. Yep. I phoned the spa people, who gave me the "listen to your body" lecture, and when I cocked my head to one side and tried to hear the message, it was both loud and clear. It went along the lines of: "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I am seriously p*ssed off now and demand anything containing any form of energy, pronto, or I'm striking worse than BA". So I cracked. Yep. Day 6. I'm most ashamed of myself. Due to lack of walking-without-fainting ability I phoned the restaurant and begged them to bring me a some juice and some grated carrot. I ate a few forkfuls of that, necked the pineapple juice, fell asleep and then woke up feeling MUCH improved. There you have it.

This afternoon, on the contrary, was lovely. I went to the beach and did some Vitamin D producing. Ate a bit more raw vegie stuff and had some more juice. Met up with Dutch-Carolien, another Canadian girl, and Annoying Stalky Australian Hosebeast (ASAH). ASAH the proceeded to annoy all 3 of us by (a)extolling the virtues of banning the burqa (b) telling Canadian she had very bad cellulite (she didn't), and (c)telling me that feeling rough this morning was due to me detoxing, and that I must be a very toxic person. Made me feel like a fricking Britney Spears song. She had the worst table manners ever, chewed with her mouth open, over-filled every mouthful (my pet hate) and then spoke over the excessively full mouth, spitting food back into her plate. Ugh. ASAH is now no. 2 on the Avoid list (no 1 is neighbour). Speaking of neighbour, he caught me coming out of the steam rock earlier. Yuck! You go into steam rock (massive hollowed-out boulder full'o'steam made with thai herbs etc) wearing a thin cotton wrap. This obviously gets incredibly clingy when wet. Neighbour saw me on my trip between steam room and cold-water-shower and spent an inappropriate amount of time gawping at me. He MINGS.

Off to the restaurant to see if Sean and Pamela and Japanese-Canadian are still on for thai boxing tonight. Apparently Pamela saw 2 knock-outs the last time - I'm quite excited!

-me

Scooters, screaming and sky-gazing.

Another busy-bee day on Koh Samui, it's almost 8pm on Day Five of Hunger strike. I was *shock* up in time for early morning meditation, not the yoga I was expecting, but hey ho. It was fairly relaxing if you applied enough anti-mosquito, but others were slapping themselves silly. Was feeling a bit drained so yes...had the green drink again, and it's still so foul I have to hold my nose while I'm drinking it, but it definitely adds zip.

So - today I rented a scooter, and did some exploring. It was tentative today, because the scooter-hire-lady insisted on telling me about 100 000 times that nowhere on Koh Samui rents with insurance...so that I'm 100% uninsured, and then proceeded to go through a list of many scenarios where I would not be insured. In detail. Including a long-winded story about falling off when she was 14, and how she had to have a lot of gravel extracted from her elbow, complete with showing me the scar. HELLOOO? Did she not want my £5? Anyway - zipped into town (slowly), and was one of the maybe 1% of people wearing a helmet. I ran into Japanese-Canadian guy on my way home and he'd spent the day doing an entire lap of the island, looking at waterfalls and also going to a shooting range - where you can shoot AK47s! So. That's my Saturday sorted!

I had a most pleasant experience earlier, when noisy-neighbour got so frustrated with something (probably the fact that he couldn't turn his TV volume up any higher) that he did this outraged scream thing. It was like having the Incredible Hulk in the room next to me (you can come out from behind the sofa now, Decs). I found this oddly calming, and made me distinctly smirky. He is VERY annoying, and this is exacerbated by the fact that he looks...weaselly. And NIAGW.

Tomorrow night is a big one - muay thai fight night! It only starts at 9pm, so I see a leetle afternoon nap in my future. Saturday is deffo shooting range and island-exploring, and Sunday is ... day coming home. Sad and going to be relieved in equal measure.

No photos today, but tomorrow I am going to head down to the beach for a spot of sunnage, as maroon-5-ness has now faded back to white as usual. The beach is VERY beautiful, lots of powdery white sand going on, so I'm quite excited and will take the camera.

Massage-free day today. *shock*.

x

Still Day 4. But it's nearly over.

Well well well, past half way! Shibby! There are 2 people here contemplating stopping after day 6 (uh no, I am not one of them...) and it does make you think along the lines of "I don't HAVE to do this to myself", but fret not, my resolve isn't wavering because I am BACK! Past the anguish of day 3 and 4, and now it's much easier. No more headaches and aching joints. I wouldn't go as far as to say easy peasy, but definitely easier and peasier. The full 7 (and a very crucial half) days will be completed.

I just had 'dinner' with nice people from ... guess where - though they did leave 6 years ago for Honkers, which they technically call home now. Anyway, I took evidence of my dinner, which is a bowl of what they call 'broth' which is actually a bowl of brown water that vegetables have been boiled in at some point. And the ubiquitous coconut. And I ordered a side of fresh herbs that you can then float in the broth and eat around:

Oh - Sean also took photo of me looking pleased to be eating this smorgasbord of delights, which is plainly a trick of the light, with Pamela taking the P out of me in the background:

Today has been extra-rainy, and therefore (just to please Mrs A) extra-froggy. Not that I've seen one yet, but I can hear them going full tilt. I am THAT nerd, walking back from dinner with my torch - so would you be if you'd had a nearly-breaking-neck-slipping-on-frog incident. They are super-slippery little sods.

I have committed to getting myself OUT of bed to go to yoga at 7.30am tomorrow - no more sleeping in - and I am also going to head out to a thai boxing soiree on Friday night. Please Lord don't let anyone be selling chicken satay there. That's the only thing that I swear I would kill for. OK - kill is a strong word. Maim. Definitely there will be maiming.

buenas noches

 ps: The Wick: YOU SHOULD BE HERE.

Day Four. DO NOT WANT!

It's official. I am feeling rougher than a badger's arse. As they say. Absolutely d-rained.

Sorry Mom.

Anyway - total velcro-pillow syndrome again today, and barely had strength to climb 50m slope to get McSlurry and other morning-time accoutrement at 7.30am. Back to room and straight back to the scratcher©. Then I did something radical. I had a shower etc (so far, so normal) and went up to the restaurant, boycotted my 10am McSlurry and instead felt compelled to actually order the Green Drink.  I amazed myself. With a coconut, for good measure. For the record it still tasted just like juiced celery and garlic, and I had to drink it while not breathing through my nose. That perked me up no end, and ended up chatting iPads to Yet Another Australian (what the hell!) and even had a semi-sane conversation with "Dr John", resident chiropractor (he has a doctorate in Being Nutsy - he could run the KP factory in his sleep - he comes out with lines like "Only dead fish go with the flow"... ) The word "nuts" has (a) made me hungry. Bad. And (b) reminded me of my all-time favourite nut-related joke:

A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of clingfilm.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Yep. The green drink has definitely made me more like me (ie: ancient bad gags ahoy-hoy.)

(ah, sorry Mom, again).

So given comedy sun-burn, I have boycotted the pool today, and it's just been chucking it down with rain, and then the sun came out, bright and glittery...I know this because I can see it all from my window as I languish on my bed watching Mad Men on the MacBook. God bless technology! I did poke my nose outside my door to take a photo of the rain, to notice from the corner of my eye that Neighbour was on his verandah in the hammock, reading a book and watching the rain, while I am plainly being totally un-zen by being holed up in my room watching TV series with the aircon cranked. BAD! BAD KATE! I pretended not to notice him, and faked being fascinated by the rain for a few moments (I, too, can appreciate nature at it's most raw...), but then decided I totally couldn't be bothered with the pretense and came back in to finish the episode. I totally heard him watching trashy american teenagey movies last night through the wall, so his At-One-With-The-Planet routine doesn't entirely ring true. Ha!

Well. One more episode, then herbal tabs (I am rattling, it's the only thing even vaguely solid going down my neck), then McS, then ... radically...a massage, I reckon. Life = hard.

So - just one observation - as much as I usually don't much appreciate my friends loitering in the rafters, crapping liberally all over my room with total abandon as to whether it's landing in my flip-flops, on my pillow, etc, but I really am appreciating my little gecko compadres. They are fiendish mosquito-eaters, and are very cute. Though they do make an unbelievably loud calling sound for things that are so little. And I always thought "it was a barking gecko" was just a way of passing the blame.

Right. Laters!

The only person sleeping more than me...

Day Three, and the fun continues

Shameful. Shameful, Atkinson. I just woke myself up during a massage by ... breathing loudly. It WAS NOT SNORING. But definitely loud, and quite vocal breathing. The shaaaame. Back from town mission: mother dearest, I am having your trousers made in one extra material. They're either going to look really cool, or like someone with narolepsy on hunger strike chose them. Either way, they're maybe a little...cheffy...or sailory?

The weird thing about being in town is the constant buzzing noise, which I have now realised comes from the highly make-shift power lines everywhere. Yet more evidence:

Loads of new people, apparently there's been an influx of boys (boys! boys!), as 4 blokes have all arrived in the last day. All looking a bit shattered and in need of no-booze, no-coffee, and a bit of sunshine, detox, and TLC. Which is probably exactly how I looked when I arrived on Saturday morning. Looks-wise, now that it's very much Day Three, I'm feeling (and probably looking) quite 'meh' as the detox is kicking in. In fact, here's photographic evidence taken on my way onto town (look Larry B - it's me NOT holding an alcoholic beverage of any kind - how bizarre!).

And finally, someone has moved into the other half of my jungalow. And I can hear them through the wall. This is very bad news - mainly for them, because when I play Plants v Zombies at full whack at 11pm, they're not going to be loving me so much.

Off for... yet another massage and mcSlurry. Apparently if you get it with lemon juice it almost eradicates the lingering undertone of sand. Just had a sudden attack of the cassoulets...thank gawd France-weekend isn't too far away!

Rookie error.

The aftersun is in the fridge. I over-estimated my ability to stay awake at 9.30am, after 9 hours of kippage, and therefore had accidenti-snooze by the pool for 2 hours. Thank GOODNESS for really-irritating-cough-guy who turned up at 11.30 and lived up to his name in spades.

Now on stationery tuk-tuk waiting for driver to materialise to take me to town. Hmm. Is it stationery or stationary. Brain-freeze still in effect. I mean that it's not currently moving, not that it's laden down with highlighter pens, staples, and - if you're lucky - an A4 notebook.

Took a picture of le jungalow earlier, while being dive-bombed by a mahussive butterfly. Evidence follows....

Also, Major, you asked about birds (stop outing my twitching tendancies!) - I can hear LOADS but it so jungley it's hard to see any. I spent ages in hammock deliberating if I was watching a gigantic insect or a tiny hummingbird - no binos and no zoom lens - so basically: no idea :) will pay more attention.

Day Two. And now it gets hard.

Well. Another hectic day of sitting on my @ss. Today, I have been mainly thinking about coconuts. They use monkeys to harvest the coconuts from the palms, which is pretty cunning, given you can *boom boom* pay them peanuts. I learnt this factette on my way back from the beach. An open-backed tuktuk thing went past piled super-high with loads of coconuts (they have a tendancy to pile all cars/mopeds etc here beyond the call of duty) - anyway - coconut-truck went past me, and on the back was clinging a big, angry looking monkey. Now if this had been a cute and fluffy little smiley monkey, I may have had something akin to sweat-shop-guilt, but the monkey was so damn frightening and ... tooth-laden ... I am officially relishing punishing the monkey by having coconut water twice every day (stop it).

Not my monkey photo, but the internet giveth (and I assume it also taketh away...)

Day Two of no food, and I had my first real Food Thoughts (helped along by making cheese and wine plans for a few weeks time with Madame M). As per last time, I still firmly believe this would be a cracking place to write a recipe book. I met some new people who are starting their fasts tomorrow, and they were having their last suppers. New-Australian-sounding-guy (what's with all the Ozzies?) was having FRUIT. Seriously people, if you're going to stop eating for 7.5 days, would you really choose fruit? Very stupid brave. Skipped the Green Drink today.

This is yet another subdued entry - not least of all because today I have (a)slept, (b)drank about 10 gallons of McSlurry/water, (c)had a massage, (d)played Plants v Zombies on the iPad (I know, I know, not very detoxxy on the gadget front)... and (e) made some new friends, but mainly because today I have been on total space-cadet mode. I even managed to try to leave the restaurant without paying once, and then charged a coconut to the wrong room... accidentally. Apparently this is not behaviour that's encouraged. I feel asleep during agony-massage (saying that, he wasn't a patch on yesterday's bruiser). I fell asleep after I woke up from 9 hours of sleep - for another THREE hours. I nearly fell asleep in the hammock this afternoon. Does not exactly make for a rivetting read. I have written myself a list for tomorrow, to try and get myself more Out There, including a trip into the town, and a walk on the beach. Let's see me try and sleep-walk through THAT!

It's chucking it down with rain again, making a lovely sound on the roof and trees. I am living in a wooden bungalow-style house in the middle of pretty dense jungle, which I have now christened The Jungalow. Things are getting desperate, people.

Coconutz

Oh yeah - here's my breakfast.

And so it begins.

Hello. I wasn't going to blog this trip, but the low-level hecking from I&Y, The Wick, Major and Marmie means it's probably easier than writing 5 emails to you, updating you on this round of fun, fun, fun.

Back on Koh Samui, back doing hunger strike. Sorry, I mean fasting. Today is Day One of Seven, and it's a very different first day this time round. I think it's because I know what's coming, so there's less mystique and time spent wondering what it's like. I'm already cheesed off with just how much liquid I have to get down my gregory (you wouldn't hear me saying THAT in First Edition), however the sheer agony of Thai massage took me by surprise again. And they say muscles have memory! Actually...saying that...most peoples muscles probably do, but since I have limited memory generally.... damn. DAMN MY BAD MEMORY.

So. Today is Sunday. I landed at crack-of yesterday morning, and spent a most chilled out day walking on the super-soft white sand beach, eating unbelievably good food, and having 10 shades of torture inflicted on me in the massage sala. Yet again it's the innocuous ones who inflict the most pain - saying that, this lady wasn't small by any means, and when she rested her entire body weight onto my back with her elbows I swear I heard a rib crack. My last meal was a faaaannntastic brown ri(c)e salad, with cheese and cashews and loads of nice salady veg like spring onions, red pepper, tomato etc, with a great little garlic and lemony dressing. *sob*.

Woke up today for McSlurry number one, which was supposed to be at 7am, but I had slight velcro-pillow syndrome, so day started at 7.30. ish. I have since necked 5 of the bloody vile things - I've gone exra hard-core this time, so no pineapple or watermelon juice to soften the blow - it tastes like drinking a pint of cotton wool flavoured with sand.  And I use the term 'flavour' veeeery loosely. I have also consumed the water from 2 coconuts, about 200 00000 glasses of water, mystery herbal tablets (alleging to be kelp or algae or some-such) and.... wait for it "green drink". I am served one of these 'green drinks' a day. See now I wish that I had left the term 'green drink' in inverted commas, too, however after tasting it (OMG - viiile) I had a look at the menu to discovered what the hell it was. Ahem: Green leafy vegetables, juiced with garlic and coconut oil. Oh yesss. Delightful. And it was room temperature. Slightly worried that on the first day my mind already trod the path of Heyyyy, this would be awesome if it was chilled as a gazpacho with some sour cream, loads of pepper and some good olive oil.

I will aim to make this less 'meh' and more lighthearted as I get to know some people - only met one Ozzie girl (who left today, thank gingus (as William would say), because she pranced around in yoga-lycra, had no volume control, called everyone 'chook' and labelled everything "amaaaaaaaaaaazing" - aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh)... and a couple who seem really nice. Also Australian, but not annoying-as-hell. They are easing themselves in slowly by spending 3 days eating raw food and juices, which is what you're supposed to do. What you're NOT supposed to do is drink loooooads on the plane,  have a 4 course meal, with port, and then land and start fasting. That would be ludicrous. (note: the Swiss sparkling wine at Zurich airport is much nicer than you'd expect).

On that note, and having done a small, and ladylike green-drink-burp in the sanctity of my own room, I am going to sign out. Green drink definitely contained celery and possibly also green peppers. Ming. Ing.

Headache so bad I feel like slamming my hand in a door to take my mind off it. Deep joy. Probably should have quit the daily double macchiatos BEFORE coming here. I blame Carpet Byrne....

Over and outski.

x

Back to Reality...

Definitely the bus I need to be on!

All photos are here.

Habibi! Come Closer! Over and out, til next time...

Home, back in London bed, and all a bit weird having a room all to myself. Fresh, crisp white cotton sheets and no GN snoring up a storm or rolling in at all hours.

Final verdict on Egypt: I will definitely return to Aswan and Luxor, and would also make the effort to reach Abydos and Dendera. Cairo was worth the effort for Zoser's Step Pyramid, but the big and famous Khufu I could take or leave. Not sure Abu Simbel was worth the effort, but I haven't yet reached the Ramses period in my Egypt lectures, so that might change. The world renowned Cairo museum is down-right shabby, and only some items are labelled (badly). I'd love to return in a couple of years when this is fully rehoused in a brand new site. Food:sucks. Booze: worse than food. People: if you can get past the baksheesh mentality of having to tip for EVERYTHING (including bloody toilets!) and the constant haggling, Egyptians are very pleasant and friendly (sorry Laurence, I know you were hoping I'd get gunned down by fundamentalists). It's a country that has seen 7010 years of mixed rule, but maintains a very strong identity.

The trip posse were great, and I really hope we manage to get organised enough to have Ahmed take us on a tour of the British Museum when he's over in March. Here's hoping he doesn't try to appropriate the Rosetta Stone...

Will post some pictures manana, mainly because I think the world needs to see an obelisk made of prawns and a sand-pyramid.


X

One Night Only! One Night Only!

Happy New Year - bring on 2010!

Last night shenanigans started early and we were all dressed up, Egyptian-styley. I gave myself Egyptian eyes, which looked suspiciously Winehousey. Worst cover-band-duet EVER (Pokerface? Seriously?). Mike had the most authentic gallabah (cannot spell that word consistently for the life of me.) and actually managed to look quite debonair, whereas Andrew was unknowingly wearing Egyptian pyjamas. Given there were about 1000 people there, mainly Russians and Germans, we managed to uphold the fine reputation of the English Abroad, despite having a token American, a surrender-monkey, and obv a Saffa or 2, plus others. The 8 still standing did a convincing rendition of Token New Years Eve Song, with plenty of la, la, lai-ing. Even Phil was in his element as there was a belly-dancer, though she wasn't a patch on Thalia - his first belly-dancer-love from the boat. Mel and Pete were on top form, and may I say what lovely, pleasant, kind, and truly charming people they both are. On a totally different topic, Pete googled and found this blog.

Today was a day of travelling, as usual, and about to take final leg back to Heathrow. Gagging for a G&T!

Uh-oh

Crispy fried Kate.

I am MAROON.

New Yah!

Bobbing around on a boat on the Red Sea. Big bloody moray eel snorkelling a moment ago (I was snorkelling, not the eel. That would have been more impressive).

Yesterday was day of traditional touristing. We arrived at El Gouna at midday and then defected to the beach. Artificial, very touristy, but pleasant and relaxing. Chef took a shine to me (he was only human, and you can't fight science) and sent me over some wine. This resulted in me insighting the building of a sand-pyramid. This sparked competition, and Pete (engineer) helped me, while Alex build an obelisk, and Ian showed off with an entire pylon with engravings and 2 bloody statutes. Mike raised the bar with a frieze of Ra and Osiris, and talked us through the intricate story. My favourite was Mom's sphinx, it was regal, serene, and had the whole aloofness thing going on. But I was 4 sheets to the wind at this point. No-one took the goading to make me a 134-column hypostyle hall. Slack.

Last night we headed into 'town'. Not a fan of this place as it's soulless, glitzy and all brand new, with tons of super yachts and Ruskies. However, jealousy aside, we had marvellous dinner and I prawn-gluttoned. We had a tuk-tuk race home.

Tonight is plainly NYE, and nearly all of us are doing England proud by dressing up in trad Egyptian garb. This area is frequented by Germans and Russians, predominantly, and tonight the guests of 5 hotels are getting together for the United Nations of NYE partaays. I predict a riot. There's HUGE booze price-hikes going on, and a bottle of wine is cranked up to *gasp* £17. Hangover ahoy-hoy! WWIII.

Home manana. Not pleased about this. Need another ice-cream to cope.

So long, farewell...

On route to the Red Sea, travelling alongside a Nile tributary - well - technically an irrigation branch, watching the farms and donkeys and life going on...on the banks of the river Nile.

Yesterday I was up at 6am, and headed back to Karnak temples on a solo mission. Loads of good photo opportunities. I went off the beaten track to a pylon that is being excavated and repaired by workers, and baksheeshed a wiry, shifty looking man in traditional garb who kept on beckoning me towards the big NO ACCESS signs. He shifted a barricade, removed the rope from a sealed door and led me up a se-heriously old staircase and onto the pylon roof. After a reconnaissance mission to check for tourist police, he took me to the edge, which afforded an amazing view over the Karnak site, as well as into an area that is still under excavation. Happy days! He also took me to see some beautiful friezes, and an alabaster baboon statue, all things considered it was £1 well spent. There's a chance that may have half-inched a small piece of 4000 year old pot as a reminder of Karnak. Despite going every day for 3 days in a row, I'll be returning here.

in the evening we took a stroll around the souk, and with Val and Pete by my side I managed to talk a shopkeeper into reducing my New Years Eve gallebaya from 175 Egyptian Pounds to 50. Being a haggler with a conscience, I then paid the guy 60 for it. Weak-willed Atkinson...weak-willed.

GN, Andrew, Pete, Mel, Val, Jane, Alex, Mike and I then rendez-voused at a coffee shop to sit amongst the shisha-smokers doing dragon impressions, and take a break from the constant heckling. Next stop was the famous Luxor Winter Palace hotel for G&Ts before dinner - what a hotel! Absolutely beautiful - Ernest Hemmingway and Agatha Christie were both guests here, and it had the colonial style and high ceilings that instantly made me want to check in. I'll be back here, too, when I'm richer. The G&Ts were nearly a tenner each, so it's not for the faint-hearted.

Andrew had found and booked El Kababgy for dinner, and yet more booze. Very good restaurant skills. Yesterday was a slightly lushy day, as 3 glasses of wine at lunch set the bar quite high for the afternoon and evening. The restaurant had photos of Sarkozy and Carla Bruni desperately trying to get from their Nile boat to the Winter Palace hotel, which plainly involved trying to evade the grasp of El Kababgy's proprietor. Pictures of Mrs Sarkozy shielding her beautiful face in a "no photos!" manner while running the gauntlet of the hassle was a bizarre endorsement/advertisement. Despite this it was a splendid evening, and I shall even put El Kababgy on my 'Return To' list. Obeliske wine was much better tonight, though I still prefer Omar Khayyam.

I'm watching pied kingfishers skimming the glassy surface of the river next to me, the reflections are mirror-like in their clarity. It's peaceful and serene. It'll be sad when we turn towards the coast and away from the Nile. Next stop: Red Sea!

Just another manic Monday...

(Bonus points for those that spot my 80s band links).

So so so, up at 5.30am to take hot air balloon from Luxor to Valley of the Kings. It was v v v good - highlights being flying really low over people's houses (no doubt really p-ing them off) and really seeing how they live (notso hotso). We did a very close pass by Hatshepsut's temple which must have been breath-taking in its day. She was the first Queen to pronounce herself King of Egypt - and sported a fake beard accordingly. She also got involved in some kind of marrying-her-father fandango in a DREAM (after telling her subjects that her father was a god), which resulted in her instantly becoming a god, too. What THE HELLA were the general populous of Egypt on? 1800-GULLIBLE. I would have made a splendid Queen. "And there shall be chocolate and beautiful handbags for all".

After returning to earth (with singe-d hair), we explored the Valley of the Kings on foot - I was wearing my hat and humming the theme tune for 4 hours straight. The tomb of Ramses IX and Tuthmosis III were unbelievable. I even did a comedy intake of breath when entering the cartouche-shaped burial chamber in the Tuthmosis tomb, as the colours and frescos were stunning. Vivid, symmetrical.

Came back to home-tel and did a bad thing: lunch was cheese'n'onion crisps and a bar of chocolate: BAD KATE! Then, even more shamefully, I may have napped.

Tonight GN and I hung out with Mel and Pete at the Karnak temples cheesey, touristy Sound and Light show. Mel's infectious enthusiasm made this top fun, and I was most impressed when she took revenge on group of incredibly obnoxious Italians (who were inches away from stubbing out their fags on 5000 year old sphinxes) by deliberately camera-flashing into their faces in a very dark area. Ok, so it sounds trivial and petty now, but I actually didn't stop laughing for about 10 mins watching Italian man clutching at his face, moaning "my eyes!". Nice!

Went for fud at seafood place SANS booze. Made taxi-driver stop and buy me wine, and others beer. This resulted in table being moved from nice part of restaurant into dark corner, safely hiding us from Muslim clientele. I nearly required medical assistance after biting in a committed and enthusiastic manner into what I thought was a mild green peppery thing, only to discover the heat of Hades itself resounding from my tongue and roof of mouth through my body, manifesting in sweats, running nose, eyes, etc, while playing ye olde game of "no, no, I"m fine, it's not that hot". I've seldom had to use scalding hot curried lentil soup to douse the flames before. Cannot feel upper-half of own body now.

(Previous was slight exaggeration).

Wine here is NOT good. They have one called "Obelisk" which is made from imported French grape juice, which they 'turn' into wine. I think that involves just tipping in tons of medical-grade pure alcohol, mainly because that's exactly what it tastes like. Another is Omar Kha-something. It's better, but that still doesn't fall into the realm of a compliment. Gagging for an icy Sancerre.

In bed. Tireeeed. Tomorrow is 6-bloody-a-m wakeup call. Everyone else is going the the Valley of the Workers and Artists to see their tombs. I'm going back to Karnak - 3rd day in a row - in order to capture sunrise over 1500 years of history, all of which happened BC.

bonnes noches

Hey lady! You! Blonde-lady! Where you from? England? Lubberlley Jubberleeey!

Egypt is heckle-ville. Aswan had special "no hassle" shops, which resulted in the disturbing situation of walking down the main bazaar street being crowded and pestered incessantly by people promising emphatically not to hassle you under any circumstance. Hmmm. My 1000-yard stare is coming on...well, miles.

All templed out with nowhere left to run

After larding up at lunch (veal'n' creme caramel) we headed out. Karnak temple(s). In a word: wow. Karnak temple(s) was built over 1500 years, and is a consortium/amalgamation of tons'o'gods AND pharaohs. Hence it's really one BIG site (2km square) with tons of sanctuaries, kiosks, pylons and obelisks. The hypostyle hall houses 130+ mahussive and intricately engraved columns - I cannot do it any justice - but it's like standing in a forest of them, coated in hyroglyphs and endless intricate decoration. In the words of Amelia Edwards, the 19th century writer and artist:

"It is a place that has been much written about and often painted; but of which no writing and no art can convey more than a dwarfed and pallid impression... The scale is too vast; the effect too tremendous; the sense of one's own dumbness, and littleness, and incapacity, too complete and crushing."

Let's gloss over the world's biggest inferiority complex, and penchant for the 3rd person and semi-colon. What she was trying to say was deffo that you gotta see it to believe it. 3 hours was not long enough, and the afternoon light wasn't picture-perfect, so I'm ducking out of a team excursion day-after-tomoz to go back and give it all another going-over, and snippy-snapping with camera. On the Official Kate-scale of Egypt Ratings, this gets position number 2 to Zoser's stepped pyramid.

After this mind-blowingness, we headed to Luxor temple, where the sponge of my mind was already at temple-saturation-point. I will attempt to sum up Luxor temple in one word, for the sake of brevity after my Karnak waxings. That word shall be: "meh".

Back on the boatington, and I'm not dressing for dinner as am too tired and dusty, and needing a glass of *gak* Obelisk wine. It's p-utrid, but my hands are tied here, people. Needs must. Etc.

Tomorrow morning is a 5.30am start, to jump on a balloon to fly from Luxor to the Valley of the Kings. Transport in Egypt thus far: plane, train, automobile, bus, cab-from-hell, and balloon. Have passed up malnourished-horse, skanky-donkey and bitey-looking-camel. What's left?

Very happy and chipper.

Over and oot.